Remembering Tender Mercies

Today was Fast Sunday. Within just a few moments of thought I knew what I wanted to fast for today. I started my fast and prayed for inspiration.

Since this is personal I'll try to keep it short and vague. I have a weakness that probably affects me the most of all my (many) weaknesses. It's deciding to stay clear of people who have hurt me before and deciding that from my limited and negative experience with that person that I now know that person is not one I want to be around. I guess that's the definition of a grudge right? I hate to write it, to see it in myself is painful, but I have had, on select occasions, to select people, a hard time forgiving. I don't dwell on whatever hurt me, but I certainly don't go out of my way to interact with someone whose hurt me either.

I know this is wrong. I know it's a manifestation of my own pride. But how is it that pride can be so difficult to shake sometimes? I could see the wrongness of my grudges but at the same time I couldn't force myself to change my feelings either.

I want to be filled with charity and I want to be a little more like my Savior. So today I decided to fast for charity, and specifically, for charity regarding those unhealed grudges.

Today I fasted for help in changing my heart.

Well, my answer happened unexpectedly and amazingly it was through two other people at church today, since nobody knows of these innermost struggles I've had I felt it was a tender mercy from Heavenly Father meant to help me.

Our Sunday School teacher was teaching the lesson when he asked a person that I've been fasting to feel charity and forgiveness toward to read a quote from the board. The person did and in the middle started to weep. Then this person bore testimony of their love for the Savior. Our Sunday School teacher stopped talking about the lesson for a minute while he shared with us all how much love and respect he had for this person. He shared that this person was a good person, who had a good heart, who had overcome much adversity. As he spoke I felt a healing calm come to my own heart. It was finally possible to forgive. As I listened I couldn't help but feel that our Sunday School teacher was inspired to stop his lesson to share his feelings about this person out loud to our entire class because I needed to hear it.

Next in Young Women a beautiful young woman bore her testimony. She said one sentence that touched me and again I felt inspired that this was the counsel I needed to follow in order to forgive. She said "Give them a break. They are just people too." Exactly what I needed to hear and remember.

I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who gives me plenty of breaks when I mess up and then helps me repent and keep trying again.

Post Script: The person I was fasting about was just made my visiting teacher last week. NOT a coincidence! Of course, I'll get to know her so much better and we can finally become friends. Heavenly Father answers prayers, and he wants to help us with our struggles. This I know.